Ardent

Her beauty shines with the light of a billion stars
a beacon haunting my dreams like a nova vision
her voice a remembrance of held-close moments
replete with soft kisses and passionate cries
now only held in memories embrace
Cerulean gaze of beckoned desire and tender touch
heartbeat drum still calls her name
a dream of silken skin and panted breath
unbidden still in mind and yearning soul and salt-run cheek
this was not for me some ordinary love
but the burning belief in the fate she described
in dulcet tone through perfect lips
Broken hearts break bodies and minds
yet still I would walk through the fires to once more
be one at peace with her entwined limbs
and the lulling sound of shared breath
Absence makes the longing stronger
with the silent sobs of unassuaged ache
passing days bring no relief in this winter palace
Her beauty shines with the light of a billion stars

Te Kore

Mind wanders over far oceans to those jade islands
towering crags and endless sand on seashore strands
misted morning in sun-dappled canopies of temperate forest
and though changing an address will not change a life
perhaps the leaving astern those memories can fade
with the people lost in time
I could live as the forgotten there
under the gaze of the southern cross
as unknown and unregarded as the lost remains of
abandoned love letters
unreachable to all but the wind and waves and the cries of the departed
No conversations to be had bar those that float away on the breeze
mute to human ear or understanding
but the sun hears, the moon hears, the stars listen in silent respect
and etch scratched lines to tattered pages in solitude standing
There is truth in those far-flung islands
voiceless percipience between mountain and sea
penetrating stare of a landscape lush with life and seclusion
I will end there, by the shores of those southern seas
framed by volcanic plateau and white-capped wave
a tribute to Tangaroa and Tane-Mahuta
until the messenger piwakawaka brings the final tale

Folksong #3

The devil wakes me up, he’s a’pushing and a’shoving
he tells me without him, I’d be nothin
what I should be
what I could be

The devil wakes me up and he takes me by the hand
tells me that I’m empty in this foreign land
what I should be
what I could be

He’s bringing the bottle and he’d bringing me the pills
he’s bringing me the answer to all of my ills
what I should be
what I could be

He’s taking me away from all I’ve known before
he’s a’singing a’praying from the mountain to the shore
what I should be
what I could be

I don’t know where he comes from
but the devil is telling me to be strong
I don’t know where he has been
but the devil has my face
again

He’s the mirror in my eyes when I see the looking glass
a bottle of wine and some whiskey through the mask
what I should be
what I could be

He’s writing all my words and the music that I feel
the devil brings me wounds that I can’t heal
what I should be
what I could be

I don’t know where he comes from
but the devil is telling me to be strong
I don’t know where he has been
but the devil has my face
again

The devil comes again in the day and the night
the devil is the darkness and the devil is the light
what I should be
what I could be

He lost me in the bottle and he lost me in the pills
but when his spirit rises it’s everything thing I feel
what I should be
what I could be

I don’t know where he comes from
but the devil is telling me to be strong
I don’t know where he has been
but the devil has my face
again

If the devil comes a’knocking at your front door
be aware there is a price to pay, don’t ignore
what you should be
what you could be

He’ll give to you the words and the music too
but the price is too steep for anything you do
what you should be
what you could be

I don’t know where he comes from
but the devil is telling me to be strong
I don’t know where he has been
but the devil has my face
again

Folksong #2

Well the devils are here angels run in fear, inside wall I sit still
vicodin and tequila, a break in the wind
blows cold over mountains, and into these hills
to the valleys we live in, hide from winter chills

Around me the people are hungry and tired
eating from bottles and meth keeps them wired
there ain’t nobody watching as they take their fill
existing each day for good or for ill

Cops killing people for refusing to stand
like country at war in some foreign land
drinking days ‘til departure no birds in the hand
their kids dying in the desert of alien sands

Flags flying needless in an empty blue sky
and the people are screaming and asking you why
why are their children hurting and why do they die
all you got is an anthem for the tears that they cry

They’re willing to die, coz your god tells them so
from birth they’re instructed, this is all they know
religion and reciting for all they are worth
trained to be fodder from the time of their birth

I ain’t got no solutions, but I know what’s true
killing and hating bring nothing but the blues
and it ain’t the rich who die on foreign shores
it’s the desperate and needy who die in your wars
The future is coming and it’s coming fast
we’re breaking away from the chains of your past
the future is coming, it’s coming true
those soldiers you trained are coming for you

Folksong

The devil comes a’knocking, and I always answer the door
he got a bottle of tequila, and a promise on the floor
just trying to make ends meet, before I’m washed ashore
from the half empty bottle to the broken glass he always makes the pour

Train is coming in hollow, outside the fences I can run
head west in the shadow of the bottle, god help me what have I done
sleepin’ in the steel of the wagon, if I have done my sums
be in Nevada in days that are draggin’, steel wheels like the beating of a drum

I used to know a woman, took those devils away
now I’m drinking what I am cookin’, keepin’ the wolves at bay
pushing when I should be pullin’, should fall on my knees and pray
but there ain’t no gods a’watchin’, no doors in this hallway

Knocking on the door is getting louder, there’s a shape that I can’t see
callin’ me away from the tower, as the devils come for me
I’m tossing dice with the demons like a coward, under the dead ash tree
losing in the whiskey and the sours, devil has come for me

The devil has come for me
The devil has come for me

Inspired by that distinctly American blend of bluegrass, folk, country, blues, and rock. Chord structure is a very simple fingerpicked Am, Dm, G, Em. Sort out your own melody (I know how mind sounds)

Feeble

You’re feeling less than loved in a place that’s strange but old to you
you were reaching out for something to bring you something new
body screaming silence while your eyes are truest blue
I was always more than just someone to screw

He grows more conservative with every day that passes
reject from the seventies in aviator glasses
turns into his father for everything that matters
but it happens slowly, you can’t see it as it shatters

You like to pretend that you’d come out fighting
but you cannot get away from all the gaslighting
spying eyes are keeping visions of you in their ever sighting
you tell yourself it’s real, but that’s just the lighting

You’re living in a world that’s full of growing neurosis
your life is a bleeding field of emotional necrosis
but you’ve given yourself to that abusive hypnosis
I ain’t saying nothing new, this was your diagnosis

You think your life will change if you alter your address
but you know it really won’t it’ll still leave you in deep distress
pretending that you’ll make some kind of progress
this is fact ain’t making — any kind of guess

Life is what it is and I know I cannot change it
but every day I wonder and I wish that we could kiss
I hate to see you lose your dreams in living fucking tedious
for the sake of stable living to the exclusion of the passionate

Most of what I am writing these days is hiphop lyrics and beats. Most of it never finds it’s way to this website. But sometime it does, and this is one of those times

Moribund

In graceless acquiescence I accept this lot of life
this careless betrayal of thought and aspiration
the ship disappears on far horizon to tempest sea
the last echoes of keened karakia fade to far-flung isles
embers die in funeral fires midst ashen lips and bitter tongue
yielding ungainly submission to universal whim
unsighted prescience given unspoken benediction
the mist has failed to rise from the water
the clouds obscure the sun in wet cotton-heavy uncertainty
drapes of enigmatic form under silent domed firmament
In unkempt admission I consent to this condemnation
this casual perfidy of obdurate actuality
authenticity in the physics of a vanishing light

Waiata

All these things that are left behind that I can’t feel
in the light of the day it seems so real
the look on my face is one I can’t conceal
if people ask me I lie and tell them it’s no big deal

Outside the window the snow is still falling
I tell myself that I can still hear your voice calling
inside my heart to you I am still crawling
to the beat of your drum I am still all in

You’re all up in my head as I fall onto my bed
filling me with dread and the taste of the tears I shed
I remember all the things that we said

Tried to hard to reach you I’m still trying
you know these words are true and I ain’t lying
when I’m on my own I am still crying
your name on my lips can be purifying

Look to the sky where the stars remain scattered
try to fix all the pieces of hearts shattered
wonder if anything I ever said was more than just chatter
when you’re lying with him did I ever matter

You’re all up in my head as I fall onto my bed
filling me with dread and the taste of the tears I shed
I remember all the things that we said

Sometimes I wish I could just remain sleeping
stop those thoughts in my head that keep creeping
was I ever the one who was worth keeping
did you ever hold me in your heart for safekeeping

I’ll stand in the snow and the sun and the rain
waiting for something or someone to take this pain
turn it to something real bring me love again
still believe in true love in spite of being held in chains

You’re all up in my head as I fall onto my bed
filling me with dread and the taste of the tears I shed
I remember all the things that we said

You’re all up in my head as I fall onto my bed
filling me with dread and the taste of the tears I shed
I remember all the things that we said

Pounamu

Come to me
with azure eyes of oceans wide
and we will go to the far ends of the earth
under sun and long white cloud
a tranquil solicitude of peace
Come to me
with shining smile of blessed lips
and we will go to the land of legend
on soft beach sand ‘neath towering peaks
serene attentiveness of calm
Come to me
with arms outstretched in welcome embrace
and we will go evermore to glistening green isles
gems of southern seas and gentle rains
where birdsong fills the morning air
Come to me
with heart in harmony, amity of accord
and we will go through all the fear
renew each day with sacred hush
repose in reverence of land and soul

******************************************

I’m still in quite a bit of pain but managing to at least sit at the computer. There is a lot that will take time to come right as I heal from the surgery. And I’m making changes in my life. I’m not sure why this event hit home more than any others but it has. And I’ll take that for what it is worth and make the changes I have to make.

Emergency surgery

Another day another trip to the hospital. I ended up back in the ER yesterday, after having woken to excruciating pain about 1:30 in the morning. And having emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder. It looks like recovery will take a week or two but I’m back home at least. It came without warning and they said I was very lucky in catching it before it ruptured. It wasn’t a fun time. Many thanks are due to the medical and support staff at the hospital who did their very best to take care of me. Looks like I’m having a bit of a run of bad luck health wise. I rather hope this will be the last of it. So I have to take it easy for a couple of weeks. I’ll miss my early morning walks a lot. BUt no doubt I’ll be able to get back to them soon.

I wouldn’t wish the pain I felt on anyone. After 16mg of morphine there was at least a little bit of relief, and they’ve sent me home with decent painkillers. A couple of my work colleagues picked me up from the hospital (somehow I had managed to drive there on my own during a snowstorm in horrific pain) and got me home. And even got the trash out for me (no way I could do that). I’m not particularly good at taking it easy but I’ll figure it out. Better that than end up back in the hospital. Maybe I’ll even find some time to write and paint a bit more.