Dialect II

A’m na mair th’ jimmy ye knew
in word nor speech nor flight
I am na mair th’ bard of
verses o’ delight

I am na mair that braw soul
now seeming tae juist be
I am th’ bard o’ bitter words
I am grawin old

I am bound ‘n’ a’m lost, ah aye lassy yer face
though ah be fun ‘n’ count th’ cost
always be a saddened breath
and then mah hert be soft

I stravaig noo in shadow dance
some shade o’ times lang gone
I am nae yit an echo of
mah whispers or mah song

My dialect isn’t great but I will keep working on it. English translation below

I am no more the man you knew
in word nor speech nor flight
I am no more the poet of
verses of delight

I am no more that handsome soul
now seeming to just be
I am the bard of bitter words
I am growing old

I am bound and I am lost, I still miss your face
though I be found and count the cost
always be a saddened breath
and then my heart be soft

I wander now in shadow dance
some shade of times long gone
I am not yet an echo of
my whispers or my song

Shower

I sit on the floor in the shower
cascade over bone and taut skin
those are not tears
I promise
just the fall of the water on my face
why would I cry?
in admission of sorrow or loss
there are stages to grief and I am stuck
between shock and depression
sallow skin in harmony with sadness
I cannot paint you
in the colours of the world and spring
my brush will not follow my fingers
and the smears of painted remorse
are my sole expression
do you remember we wanted
to take photographs?
together with some talented artist
making mementoes of ourselves
and the adoration new shared
water washes salt from my face
deluge of dolorous disenchantment
I would weep and wail
but I promise you I am not
although that might be a lie
the water has become cold now
and still I sit
skin on the plastic comfort of the tub
I am still not weeping
those tears merely a hallucination of the mind
under the chill and on the firm
arrogance of departure

Shaken

I write with shaking hands, dazed and abrupt
my pen will not follow my hands, instead looping
strange characters on the page before me

you make me feel so beautiful

My concentration is gone
swept away in trembling heart, fingers quivering
with need and response to thought

♥️ soulmate♥️

The machinery has broken down, the repairs do not go well
there are missing parts and damaged pieces
and the ones I have do not fit

I love you more than anything handsome mister. Mucho mucho 🥰

My music fills the air with somber notes
tone driven existential crisis
guttering melody of the disappeared

I love you Daddy. So much.
Tomorrow you get to cum in me 💋😈

Tattooed on my soul, carved in my being
sacred name of unrelenting need
sleep brings nightmare rest

I was sad to shower and have your smell leave me 😭


I am your lamb of sacrifice, cast on this altar
blood set to your knife
ceded to the immolation that makes you whole

I love you very very much my handsome mister ♥️

The world renounces me, with each word spoke
wrenched from terror mind
a hallucination of horror in sleep

Did you know something? I LOVE YOU! ♥

I recant and reject this reality of shame
on frozen floor I wake in the sweat of night
lips calling for absolution

Lol. I’m almost always horny when it comes to you.
I love love love you ♥

Babygirl. I love you too

Fly (song)

This is a bit of a departure in terms of musical style. It’s very much ‘singer-songwriter with a piano’. It won’t make any album cut I can think of, but I might do a recording of it myself just because I like it. The structure is very simple. It sounds very very sad when I sing it

baby can you see me
baby can you feel me
baby can you hear me calling for you

stuck inside my head now
praying for you somehow
baby listen hard and listen true

and I—–
just want to fly
from this place on your wings
and try
to put the past behind while I hear your breath sing

maybe it was the lighting
but the world seemed a lot less frightening
now I’m scared with everything I do

maybe it was the music
in my head until I used it
everything in my world was better with you

and I—–
just want to fly
from this place on your wings
and try
to put the past behind while I hear your breath sing

baby do you dream me
baby do you think of me
baby tell something so I can know

staring at the silent walls
remembering the rise and fall
of the empire that we built just so

and I—–
just want to fly
from this place on your wings
and try
to put the past behind while I hear your breath sing

I want to fly
I want to fly
I want to fly
away
with you

Detach

Snow is falling again and they say
we might get another two feet by the weekend
I will not miss the snow

The things I would miss are already gone
in spiteful chasms of space and time
vanished phantasms and shades

I will not miss the snow or the cold
but the remembered warmth
of loving embrace long yearned

I am not glad to go, rather I feel
nothing about it at all on this chill day
in the falling snow

A man can be, I think, as unhappy there
as he remains here, in destiny’s grasp
a pawn of that he cannot comprehend

The snow falls and my dog looks with sad eyes
at my countenance so set
stone chiseled despondency

This is the last winter here, in frozen tomb
I will carry my dead eyes to another place
and watch with apathy the end

I have my first covid vaccine booked, and to be honest I’m completely apathetic about it. And very much feeling the same way about the recording contract. I just don’t really care.

Valentine

It’s that day and I got you a card
to join the others in melancholy boxes
words unread in stagnant solitude
lines written in nervous hand
teardrop letters in rows of sorrow
and love expressed in prose

My eyes are gold in this light
hazel reflections of dawn’s rise
machine thrum of the morning
an echo of heartbeat lost
just photographs on the wall
raw reminders haunting each moment

I wrote in the card and pulled it
tight to my chest
a kiss to the envelope as if
sealing the emotions inside
with longing shook hands
and deep shuddering breath

I wrote in the card and thought
of your laugh and your smile
your body and your scent held
tight against my skin
in the afterglow of passion
and remembered warmth

It’s that day and I got you a card
filled it with words
pining and yearning
moth to deadly flame I fly
gladly to doom if called
to give to you those words

Strain (song)

Babygirl, since you been gone I been falling in
lost in my own thoughts is the way it is
dependent on hope that is long gone
barely alive and it’s been so long

Don’t even know if I’m still breathing
can’t even tell if my heart’s still beating
trapped inside the loneliness and trapped inside my head
trapped in my mind with no way to get out

Nothing to do so I’m still smoking
hiding my feelings in the weed I’m toking
nothing but pain so I’m still drinking
don’t tell anyone what I’m really thinking

Can’t feel the blood in my veins running
know what I need and it means something
I pass out on the floor my brain still bleeding
unable to find any real meaning

I’m lost in my mind, spend most of my time, fucked up writing rhymes, or sleeping alone
stuck in my head, wishing that I was dead, toss and turn in my bed, can’t so I don’t
I drink too much booze, I got nothing to lose, you’ll see me on the news, when the album drops
I smoke too much weed, I’m so ill at ease, I just wanna scream, I want everything to stop

I can’t take the pain, I can’t the pain, I can’t the pain
Strain

Famous (song)

The more I go, the more I stay
the more I feel the ground just giving way
beneath my feet, it’s so hard to breath
I’d be lying if I said I was okay

I didn’t ask to turn out like this
emotions so powerful I can’t dismiss
sometimes they give me nothing but bliss
most of the time they leave me in broken bits

I don’t care about rich, I don’t care about famous
and the rhymes I have to share are all fucking shameless
they telling me that I should be reaching for greatness
but I’m scared that the pain I feel is contagious

Perform behind a mask so nobody can see me
babygirl when I’m done you’ll more well-known than me
all of my life with my heart on my sleeve
now all I got is music and the loneliness inside me

I don’t care what happens to me
I been lost near a year, nothing left that can hurt me
my rhymes have become part someone else’s dream
they’re still part of me, a kind of a scream

If my songs make you famous I’d say that I’m sorry
but I write outta pain I ain’t looking for glory
and I’m trying to express all these feelings inside me
in public because I got no real place to hide me

The more I go, the more I stay
the more I feel the ground just giving way
beneath my feet, it’s so hard to breath
I’d be lying if I said I was okay

Copaganda (song)

Peace out to the friends of all the ones who been killed
by some bully with a badge and a gun looking for cheap thrills
knowing that nothing ever gonna happen to them
coz they soldiers of the ruling classes juries acquit them

people are still dying while out in the streets people still trying
politicians are still lying and we can’t forget the past behind them
the history is just how we got where we are, got to this
killed in traffic stops and beaten with cop fists

system is racist at its basis and brutal and classist
middle class people in their homes can’t seem to grasp this
people in their houses they just can’t seem to give a damn
liking cop Facebook pages and cop Instagrams

supporting the system that brings death to all kinds of streets
but coz they white they can say ‘it doesn’t affect me’
you can think hey man, it doesn’t affect you too
but that can change real fast when they find out that I’m a Jew

rather stand with my brothers and sisters of colour
to stop them dying leaving grieving relatives and lovers
you listening to Killer Mike — are you hearing what he’s saying?
you’re not part of the solution you’re just fucking playing

message still getting out but it ain’t been heard yet
people still getting shot in a mental health check
keep getting told that’s just the way it is
but not if we really give a fuck about Black kids

no solution you can’t change systems from within
no amount of reform can bring back a life from death again
defund motherfucker, it’s the only way forward now
this can’t go on we gotta force change somehow

peace out to people who lost someone they loved
peace out to those in prison coz they got caught with drugs
no peace for those whose silence supports the system
they like it the way it is, gotta say just fuck ‘em

Political hiphop. Driven in part because so many white people say so much about racial injustice but then go on and support the system or mouth bullshit about ‘changing the system from within’. Yeah, that’s been tried and always fails. Mostly they’re scared that a movement for justice — real justice not the kind dished out with violence by a broken and vicious system — might disrupt their comfortable superiority.

Ride (song)

Some days I just don’t want to get up
wanna fall into a sleep from which I never wake up
I don’t know if this is the way my life is I feel numb
whisky haze until the end of the world comes

I think of the years and the tears all the times I cried
not living a life I’m just along for the ride
why I’m here while so many others died
think I ain’t got anything left on the inside

I don’t wanna try no more, not be lost in this life no more
nothing seems to define who I am no more, wish I could find the way back to before
hard to love when you hate yourself, but I love anyway leave nothing on the shelf
heart on my sleeve like a forgotten book, every day I live seems to make it worse

People are asking if I’m doing okay
at least the ones I have left that I didn’t chase away
they ask with sincerity and I just lie to them
tell them I’m alright, pretend to be fine to them

Some days I just want to drive off a bridge
it can be hard to keep going without a reason to live
but I keep breathing and dreaming in my mind
but breathing ain’t the same thing as being alive

I don’t wanna try no more, not be lost in this life no more
nothing seems to define who I am no more, wish I could find the way back to before
hard to love when you hate yourself, but I love anyway leave nothing on the shelf
heart on my sleeve like a forgotten book, every day I live seems to make it worse