Marchen

This one is fully written and I’m including the guitar chords. I’m working slowly on an actual recording of it but am running into some difficulties. While I am able to write okay with a guitar I really struggle to play effectively (only three fingers — including my thumb — on my fret hand work correctly, and a compound fracture shattered the bones in my left wrist). That said, here you go.

B add11/F#
A/E
G6/D
E/B
AMaj sus 7 (omit 5th)
E/B
D Sus 4
E Sus 4
E/B
AMaj sus 7 (omit 5th)
E/B
B add11/F#

Make believe in fairytales
games of charades
lies, sighs, and fables
on a friendship drive
a personality crusade to surpass

You tend to depress
from one face to another
all looks whole but one is apart
sitting small
and frightened the real you
sitting small
and frightened the real dreamer

Accepting life under glass eyes
telling yourself
that it keeps you safe
but you know, the spies are watching you
but you know
it ain’t for your protection

You tend to fold for
his paranoia
all looks whole but one is apart
sitting small
and frightened the real you
sitting small
and frightened the real dreamer

Make believe in fairytales
games of charades
lies, spies, and fables
under watchful eyes
a personality hidden away

You tend to lie
as you hide who you are
all looks whole but one is apart
sitting small
and frightened the real you
sitting small
and frightened the real dreamer

Make believe in fairytales
games of despair
subsuming yourself
on a mirror drive
to convince that you are real
on a mirror drive to hide
the real dreamer

Won’t you stand tall
And steadfast the real you
Won’t you stand tall
And steadfast the true belonger
Won’t you stand tall
After all these years
Won’t you stand tall
And steadfast
The true belonger

Hiphop 0.3

This is what it feels like to feel alone
locked into my house no longer feels like my home
this is what it feels like to feel nothing
staring at the walls straining for something
holding tight just trying to keep from crying and cutting

Self-injury a way to somehow feel something
or to stop all of the pain and alleviate the suffering
when people die it isn’t them that feels the pain
the left behind are the ones who feel the shame

This is what it looks like in the mirror when I see me
locked inside my head where nobody can hear me
ain’t really smiled in months not since the time you last saw me
I guess I have to understand that you must really hate me

I cannot stop believing that you wish that I was dead
it happens when I’m struggling with the demons in my head
happens often at night when I’m in that lonely bed
wonder what I’d look like lying drowned in the riverbed

Self-injury a way to somehow feel something
or to stop all of the pain and alleviate the suffering
when people die it isn’t them that feels the pain
the left behind are the ones who feel the shame

If I believed in any gods I’d be on my knees and praying
but there’s nobody listening to a single word I’m saying
the walls are closing in my eyes blank from your betraying
nobody to hear the music and words of my emotions fraying

I been reaching and searching for something I cannot find
trapped inside the horror of the loss and in my own mind
making beats nobody ever hears with my own rhyme
each one sealed and delivered and with my grief self-signed

Self-injury a way to somehow feel something
or to stop all of the pain and alleviate the suffering
when people die it isn’t them that feels the pain
the left behind are the ones who feel the shame

Peace

Cataclysm

The fires are burning
as I stumble across the earth
mere compensation
for times we left behind
Gabriel falling
to live with mortal men
trumpet is silent
the empire can’t defend

Nephilim rising
to take back what was theirs
hate for the living
for what they have become
Prometheus wishing
that he’d never given them
fire and knowledge
with which they could define

Time is standing still in this empty void
Lightspeed near and forever to be destroyed
Stars are burning out in this hollow place
Destruction of the fabric of all of time and space

The angels are not coming
just oblivion’s call
no gods left to answer prayers
wings crumbled all to dust
Demons walk in human guise
false empathy their cry
for courage lacked by humankind
will rain down eradication

Time is standing still in this empty void
Lightspeed near and forever to be destroyed
Stars are burning out in this hollow place
Destruction of the fabric of all of time and space

The fires are burning
as I stumble across the earth
and the embers blaze in my eyes
like times we left behind
Heaven has fallen
and the silver city gone
voices are silent
the empire can’t defend

Time is standing still in this empty void
Lightspeed near and forever to be destroyed
Stars are burning out in this hollow place
Destruction of the fabric of all of time and space

Wealth

Psychopaths and CEOs
priests and politicians
liars wars for profit cause
this is the situation
people dying in the street
freezing in winter’s cold
they could all be easy saved
if we gave a fuck

I’m calling down the red flag song
eight billion of us losing but not for long
we’re setting up the guillotines
we’re coming for revenge
we’re sick to fuck of you telling us our ends

Sociopathic businessman
with fancy clothes and house
stripping people of their cash
and taking food from mouths
he ain’t ever cared
if you had enough to eat
he ain’t never worried
about where you might sleep

I’m calling down the red flag song
eight billion of us losing but not for long
we’re setting up the guillotines
we’re coming for revenge
we’re sick to fuck of you telling us our ends

Making Music

Please excuse my relative absence here for now. I’m working on writing and recording a number of songs (and I will be sharing here). It’s a mix of electro-industrial, futurepop (thank you VNV Nation for coining that name), and oddball pop with a bit of hiphop and punk/metal crossover thrown in – not all genres in the same work though. It all takes time as most of what I am doing involves multiple tracks which then need mixing. Making music is a time consuming process, writing lyrics can be quite emotionally draining. It’s been a lot of years since I last did this seriously, and things have changed a bit so I value your patience.

And unfortunately work (the day job) is also taking up a fair portion of my waking hours right now. On the other hand my studio is now in good enough shape to at least begin the process. New Les Paul guitar, effects, good quality midi controller (and DAW software), decent vocal mic etc are in place. Eventually I would like to add a bass guitar, an electric violin (you should hear some of the awesome things you can do with these run through guitar effects), more VST plugins etc.., It all costs money and I’m not a rich man. But I’m hoping that it turns out well with what I have now and that I will be able to help provide you with both entertainment and some food for thought.

The creation process itself is fraught with ups and downs. I rely heavily on inspiration and years of training as a classical musician — not to mention quite a few as a working musician but it’s been a while. If I’m not feeling it I simply cannot write at that time. All that can add up pretty quickly when you’re working a day job and not sleeping. But it’s a work in progress and I do expect to be able to post a few things soon. My influences run the gamut of almost everything (although I’m sadly incapable of writing reggae). From Bach to Behemoth, from Carcass to the Cure, from Peter and the Test Tube Babies to Pink. You get the picture. The one thing I really struggle with is writing drum tracks. ISO drum programmer (not entirely kidding about that)?

All in all it’s coming along and I’m holding back a lot of poetry/lyrics so as to introduce them as fully fledged songs. Lyrically they run the range from deeply personal to working class activism, with a fair bit of reference to varying mythologies as well. So again, thank you for your patience as I go through this creative process. I truly hope you will enjoy the results.

Fractured (lyric)

You will return now
To the life that you lived
Passionless greyness
That has nothing to give
It’s safe but it’s boring
And it eats at your soul
Just going through motions
As you sink in the hole

You can change your location
You can change where you rest
But the emptiness grows still
Until nothing is left
Change your name or your hairstyle
And pretend that you’re fine
Behind the mask of a sad smile
That doesn’t show in your eyes

You’re fractured
But you’ll still say you’re fine
Swallowing the pain that holds you tight
You’re fractured
But you’ll lie to yourself
The ache that sits heavily inside

You’ll smile at all the right places
Let out a cold shallow laugh
But the anguish will eat you
Can’t sort the wheat from the chaff
As the years take your beauty
And the lines cross your face
The despondency growing
Feeling more out of place

You used to tell me
of the dullness inside
but you’re cloaking your feelings
desperate just to hide
Your sadness will rise like
the bitter taste of defeat
but you’ll stay in that lost life
all your days on repeat

You’re fractured
But you’ll still say you’re fine
Swallowing the pain that holds you tight
You’re fractured
But you’ll lie to yourself
The ache that sits heavily inside

Your existence is empty
As you often said
In those moments spent with me
Lying there in that bed
And you don’t know where you’re going
You can’t escape from the numb
It’s continuing dreary
And you have nowhere to run

Your world will grow colder
With each passing day
As you wonder what happened
But you have nothing to say
So you’ll live in the silence
Of a life that turned sour
Regretting all of the years gone
Unease haunting each hour

You’re fractured
But you’ll still say you’re fine
Swallowing the pain that holds you tight
You’re fractured
But you’ll lie to yourself
The ache that sits heavily inside

You’re fractured
But you’ll still say you’re fine
Swallowing the pain that holds you tight
You’re fractured
But you’ll lie to yourself
The ache that sits heavily inside