In memoriam

My mind sinks, on this anniversary day
the one on which the grief overwhelms
joined now by that new pain
and the sages say that life is suffering

Sunday is gloomy
my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows
I live with are numberless

tears in torrents rush with abandon
from eyes so stricken in sorrow’s embrace
and memories of the day the happiness fled
in the inferno that I wished has taken me

little white flowers
will never awaken you
not where the black coach of
sorrow has taken you

there is nobody to hold my hand, dear daughter
on this day or other, to assuage or comfort
and especially today
when the weight of years crushes my heart

angels have no thought
of ever returning you.
would they be angry
if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday

would that I could have exchanged
on that night of flame and fury
my life for yours, and now
that only grief should end

Gloomy is Sunday
with shadows I spend it all
my heart and I
have decided to end it all

my voice breaks as I sing, soft and cracked,
to your ghost still with me
the crackle of guilt and howl of horror
at the torment of the soul

soon there’ll be candles
and prayers that are said, I know
let them not weep
let them know that I’m glad to go

there is no return from where you have gone
and the left-behind grasp at remembrance
which never fails to bring the sobbing elegy
of lost years and broken hope

Death is no dream
for in death I’m caressing you
with the last breath of my soul
I’ll be blessing you

Gloomy Sunday

Today is the anniversary of the death of my beloved daughter, just a month away from her fourth birthday at the time. Coupled with the grief and sorrow of the past year it is overwhelming. The pain does not lessen with the years. It compounds with the new sorrow in ways I do not understand. I am wracked