Soot

Smoke drifts aimless from my lips as I step through the snow
weed and cigarette both companions as I walk
breathing in the falling flakes to the sting of my lungs
relishing the sharp in-draw of smoke and ice
my laugh of self-mockery becomes a cough
the barking sounds of neglect and apathy
the sun has yet to rise and this is the twilight of the soul
under battering and relentlessness, a small and sorrowed thing
I wonder if I deserve the suffering, and suspect I do
always finding myself at fault for all things
I draw deep and hold, exhaling smoke to the empty air
watching as it dissipates in the snow-heavy sky
a fading reminder soon lost in the darkness and chill
I am as adrift as that soot and ashen cloud
a momentary evanescence of depleted thought and irrelevant emotion
I speak with candour to my audience of none
probity of speech with none to hear, no witness to this soliloquy
there’s a fidelity to them, these benighted phrases, a testimony of self-derision
they float into the sunless firmament in formless melody
Another breath, another cough against the stillness of the world
another flickering light as a fresh cigarette sparks to toxic life
I am no longer even listening to myself, I too can ignore
to punish or vanquish or mock this indigent disposition

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