Fragments 0.9

I’ve turned off the heat and the cooker
just made another hole in my belt
the 4th since that day
I’ve given away so many things
but kept your pictures on the wall
and the declaration you made
pinned to the fridge
with magnets and despair
cancer comes on fast and I wonder
if I can hasten it

My dog has sad eyes
as he looks at me
with understanding and empathy

I kept all the things I bought
for your birthday
an unexpected interruption
or a final heave to heaven

You’ll inherit all this, the mess and the random
with some surprise I suppose

Kisses and wishes and all of your lies
memories of breast and of thigh
forgotten with my welcomed demise

Condemning yourself to the romance of
a sodden paper bag
seems a strange way to live

I no longer have fresh flowers
that were always there for you
flowers die, decay is life’s revenge

If there were gods or mercy I would be
long gone from this and from your thoughts
if I was ever there

I’m kicking everyone out of my life
with disregard or callousness
I’m sure you remember how that works
you’re a master at it

Finally alone, unloved, unwanted
the forgetfulness I craved
the emptiness of sorrow
the raven scream of relinquished blood

We start and end in loneliness
and everything in between is lies and deception

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