I lift another cigarette to my lips
its end glows red with fire and heat
and I consider in the moment
plunging it to my flesh
to feel something but this other pain
but I remember my promise to you
and stay my hand this time
but there are other things I do
or fail to do in these drab sombre days
when I fired my doctors, I made another choice
and have stopped taking the medications
they gave me
to keep my blood pressure in check
and even to chase away the nightmares
that beset my sleeping mind
and I have watched as the pressure climbs
and the horrors return
back to levels made worse no doubt
by this current Stygian scene
but this is a deliberate acceptance
of a fate you once had me believe
was a different thing
I light another smoke and watch
the hazy silver snake out from the burning end
I am calm now, consenting to the
Inevitable, the inexorable, the irresistible
that comes – I know not when –
in the approach of the end to suffering

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