Misgivings

I am afraid of the world
since you’ve been gone, I have learned
to fear everything
I am afraid of the light and of the dark
I am afraid of life, and in terror of living
I am afraid of the sun and of the rain
I am afraid of people and of being alone
I am apprehensive and balancing on a blade’s edge
It’s hard work – living in fear like this
it saps away at your foundations, digging out
to leave you collapsing in the river of time
I am exhausted by my creeping unease
I am afraid of butterflies and of birdsong
I am afraid of remembering to breathe
I am afraid of television and of books and of music
I shiver in the heat in my fear
I am afraid of your blue-eyed gaze and of the memory
of your skin
I am afraid of today and of tomorrow
I live in trembled panic of yesterday
and mostly I am afraid
of you

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