Necessary

I cancelled my appointments
and the office keeps calling
shouting in email or in
persuasive phone call that
this is very risky,
and I could go into renal failure
and I refuse, thinking that I cannot tell them
that I have stopped caring
knowing they would mistake that for something it isn’t
and not get the difference
between the actively suicidal
and the lack of care for life
that has grown in these last 132 days
and how your lack of concern for my death or life
has grown into my own,
and rather this than be
a bother to all — just one final blow to a solo sense of
indubitable desolation
so I wait now, the cloud of inevitability hanging over me
and with it the promise of a release not unlike the
sweetness of rain in the desert
If my body is a temple it is the ruins of one abandoned

3 thoughts on “Necessary

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