Ordain

I used to be a handsome man, you even called me such
but years have come and gone, and the anguish in my eyes
has spread to the ruin of my visage
and when I say years, I mean these few months
since you abandoned my hope and my meaning
the fall to nihilism is a slide into the ugly

My veins once invigorated with the strength of love, now coursing with
ethanol and heroin and sorrow
and any attempt to dull this feeling
and the bags of my eyes are the luggage of a lifetime
I wish I felt nothing, and mostly I do
except in memory or a love I cannot let loose

You succeeded where all others failed, in bringing me
not to my knees — but supine on bare earth
where the worms feast on flesh and blood and bone
with soft-sharp teeth tearing meaning and light
into great gouts of blooded flesh and mashed mind
delivered by needle and glass

I am empty of all but the loathing I feel, for myself
that you gave as a parting gift
and the booze and the drugs and the anguish
no hell I could find would be worse than this, so I
welcome what comes as release from suffering and sorrow
I bless your name as I fall

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