Borderline

Today is the best day of the rest of my life
and today is a nightmare
the worst I’ve ever had
emotional overload and agony of spirit
it’s worse than yesterday or the day before
and tomorrow will be worse again
all the skills I learned useless against this onslaught
I no longer care to try for anything
more than this, and soon that too will be gone
I cry at everything now, each television show or errant thought
a reminder and a damning indictment
and all my worst fears are true and real
abandoned and alone in spite of love and your promises
I’m self-medicating my way into
oblivion and the void you left behind
and no amount of mindfulness or distress tolerance
is working anymore
the inevitable end will be a blessing
for me and I think for you
you must wish me dead and gone, a forgotten chapter
in your life

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